Mozart’s “Papageno/Papagena Duet” from The Magic Flute was ripe for the picking! Obviously, it would be about some kind of “Propaganda”, but it took a few months to settle on the idea of two conservative housewives discussing the gay male couple who move in next door.
Speight Jenkins, now-retired General Director of the Seattle Opera, invited the Derivative Duo to lunch to discuss how they could support the Opera. They asked him what was the biggest problem the opera company faced, supposing the response would be funding, engaging performers or even patron parking. Much to Barb and Susan’s amazement, he replied, “The biggest problem facing opera companies around the world today is the lines to the women’s bathrooms. It’s impossible to get back from intermissions to start the next act on time.”
“Mutiny at the Matinee” is written to “Questa o quella” from Verdi’s Rigoletto. A revolt is happening at the opera! Female patrons are threatening to install porta-potties outside the theatre! The divas are demanding to survive to the end of the show. “Goodbye to all that dying shtick cause it’s making us sick!” Even the orchestra joins the boycott! “Mutiny at the Matinee” became the title of the Duo’s second recording.
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"Mutiny at the Matinee"
In Bellinis’s opera, Norma, the title character cries out to the Goddess, “Casta Diva”, which means “Chaste Goddess.” The Derivative Duo, in contrast, cries out to Julia Child, “Pasta Diva”, imitating her every move in hopes of becoming “The Potluck Gourmet.” In the process, “The eggs that drop to the floor, would make quiche for a family of four!” Ceilings are splattered, briskets are burned, but the dream lives on.
"The Cat Who Loved Too Much' - The feline therapist demonstrates the fine points of scratching.
Women Who Love Too Much, was a 1985 best selling book by Robin Norwood about women seeking love and attention from unavailable partners. “The Cat Who Loved Too Much” is a duet written to “Un di felice”, from Verdi’s La Traviata. A co-dependent cat seeks therapy to become more aloof and disagreeable. After learning that the cat “never knew your father and you were weaned too soon”, the wise feline therapist explains “Far too many strays get stuck in the Oral Phase. They’re depressed and they lick themselves too much!”
The “Queen of the Night Aria”, from Mozart’s The Magic Flute, becomes the “PMS Aria” at the hands of the Duo. The hysteria and agony of the Queen is the perfect setting for “Oh glory be! The menses are upon us! Hormones are raging… And Darling though you know that I adore you, today I simply loathe you and deplore you!” Lots of high notes ensue before the ending: “PMS, the lovers’ curse! Hey, it could be worse.”
After performing alongside Ranch Romance, a country band that specialized in yodeling, Barb and Susan recognized the need for a yodeling aria. Hours of listening led to Rossini’s “Una Voce Poco Fa” from The Barber of Seville which they altered to create “Yodel Lady Tune”. The story’s neurotic cowgirl has the unfortunate habit of yodeling during romantic interludes. She seeks someone who is a Yodel-lady too.
In Delibes’ Lakme, “The Flower Duet” is sung by two women gathering flowers by a flowing river. The music captures the movement of water and the intimacy of the two characters. The Duo’s version, “The Cruise”, introduces the listener to a hapless straight woman who accidently signs up for a lesbian cruise, misreading every possible clue printed in the brochure. “Wait for the day, not far away; sailing off into the sunset, swaying palms and ocean breezes whisper, “How gay!”
The Duo’s “Barbie Doll Song”is a rewrite of “The Doll Song” from Offenbach’s Tales of Hoffman. The original is sung by a doll who comes to life. Barb and Susan’s Barbie discusses her clothing and accessories while noting, “there’s always a couple of Kens-cool and debonair, with their plastic hair.”
In Mozart’s Don Giovanni, Leporello, a manservant, recounts his master’s sexual exploits across Europe: In, the Duo’s “Cat-a-log Aria”, a tomcat describes his sexual conquests: “I made a real point of romancing a Seal Point, and a Persian makes a dandy diversion… I have to say, I could spray like a firetruck, but, since my surgery, I’ve slowed down a tad.” Unfazed by his lifestyle change, he philosophizes: “It isn’t your anatomy, it’s attitude that counts. They can take away my drives, but I’ve still got eight more lives!”
Huge melodramatic choral pieces require an equally dramatic plotline.
“O fortuna” from Orff’s Carmina Burana morphed into “Carmina Winnebago” about the horrifying prospect of hoards of grandmothers cruising cross-country in RV’s. “Avert your eyes! Protect your wives from this abomination! A camper van without a man’s a threat to home and nation!”
"Carmina Winnebago" with the Rainbow City Band, 2000
Sung by a full chorus, and borrowed from Handel’s Messiah, “The Honolulu Chorus” describes the exodus of rain-weary Seattleites to Hawaii in winter. “For it shall rain forever and ever!”
At least one movement, anyway. The sheer length and mood variation in these pieces allow a story to develop and climax.
The lyrical second movement of Mozart’s Piano Concerto #21 becomes a “Greeting Card” from a mother to her gay son, on the occasion of his first therapy appointment. She’s paying. She begs him to find a girlfriend: “Just forget she’s a girl! Believe me you’ll get used to it. Close your eyes and think of golf.”
Set to Mozart’s Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, this piece describes the iconic scene where Mother announces a surprise visit to a lesbian couple’s home, leading to a frantic effort to remove any evidence of their relationship. “Quickly grab the posters from the wall, and the bust of Sappho from the hall…” “No, I’ll sleep with Kate, she’s my roommate, she’s very kind, she wouldn’t mind at all.” The daughter’s anxieties explode but she promises her partner that she will come out to her mother before the visit ends.
“Rachmaninoff Romance” is set to the slow movement of Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto #2. It takes us into the mind of a middle-aged character who can’t stop ruminating long enough to enjoy an afternoon of love. When her mind finally returns to earth, and to the love of her life, the piece ends in a thunderous climax:
“They laughed!
They wept!
They loved!
They slept!”